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July 8th, 2005
08:36 pm - .
where to start, i feel like i need to just get this out.
about a week ago my aunt called me to tell me that my mom had gone in to see a doctor about a lump in her breast. and that the doctor referred her to get a biopsy on the lump.
my mom just called me to tell me that she had gone in with the biopsy and her results were malignant in breast cancer. i really didnt know what to say, didnt know if i believed her.. didnt know if she was going to die. all i really know is that i was just shocked. i didnt know what to say other than 'you're going to have to stop smoking, seriously'. how do you react when your only parent tells you that he/she has cancer?
she is going in for surgery this upcoming week i guess to have over 60% of her breast removed. after telling me this, she proceeds to tell me about her moving into a new house, trying to get the silence on the phone from being numbing.
to top it all off.. she asks me if i would take my younger brother if she dies. it would either be myself taking an 8 year old, or she stated he could go live with a priest and his wife in ohio... i really didnt know what to say either. i know it sounds selfish, but if i adopted my younger brother.. my life would be thrown into a pressure that im not ready for. i would have to buy a house, and the ease of just caring for myself would immediately turn into being a guardian..
i dont know what to think right now. i know i'm scared, i know i'm not ready for any of this.
as if my mom wasnt enough, my uncle is broke.. kicked out of his home and his car re-posessed.. my aunt is going nuts, trying to save the house on the vineyard..it seems that my family is falling apart. i have an 83 year young great aunt that is closing in on calling home, a mother with cancer, an uncle that cant keep his life stable ever, and an aunt that could easily have a nervous breakdown anyday. no bullshit my aunt and my mom are the only ones i have contact with.
i wish someone had a football playbook that i could look at for a situation like this. i know i hate football, but what does a person do when the home team is down, and there's only 30 seconds remaining in the game?
fuck.
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September 17th, 2004
09:20 pm
i've realized ites been awhile since i've updated public. lets see, where to begin?
i've been busy at work with SBS. thats pretty much a 9-5 job every day with some weekends of overtime.
deanna called me today to tell me that i got the job with the warwick pd, im pretty stoked about that.
i moved out of my house in providence, and moved in with james hamar into the condo in warwick, things have been going awesome there and i get along with the kid really well.
i've been getting alot of information on new cars, now that i can afford one i've been pushing myself to get one. this means more time spent down at dealerships and online.
i havent talked to my mom in about 3 weeks, since all the shit happened with her car she decided to dish it all out on me. whatever.
karen and i are struggling to make ends meet with the house on the vineyard, i still miss my grandmother every day. but theres not alot that i can do or say.
thats about it, classes start on october 19th i believe, but ill update more before then.
now its out with hamar, his friend corey and myself.
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September 6th, 2004
12:07 pm
where to start? in the past few days james has managed to fuck my firebird up beyond belief. it started that he was supposed to change the plugs and plug boots for me (since he's a chevy guy and all).. well that turned into an all night process 7pm-10pm. Then, it started fine.. got in the car and was driving with him (ernie and alicia next to us in some jetta) and then all hell broke loose. the car started to sputter and died. james said it wasnt anything big and i should drive it like normal. that freaked me out and made me flip out on him. i told him that if he didnt know what he was doing then he shouldnt touch my car, i mean wtf i dont have a warranty on it anymore and im trying to make it last until my new car.
we pulled into the db mart near rt 2, then ernie and james started to look at my car. james was like 'drive it home then bring it over tomorrow' i flipped shit on him and told him that i wasnt going to drive my car like that, and that i was going to leave it at db mart, he could fix it there.
he got all pissed off and bitchy like he always does and goes 'OH ILL DRIVE IT, GIVE ME THE KEYS ILL TAKE IT BACK TO MY HOUSE' then he speeds off in it and i get in ernies jetta with them. on the way back to james's house ernie is telling me about how he doesnt trust james with anything mechanical, and that i shouldnt either. i was like wtf thanks for telling me beforehand.
so after all is said and done my car is sitting at james's, hes working on other cars today, and i have no ride anywhere. lovely.
he had the nerve to call me and ask me today if the paint i bought for my car was IN my car. because HE needed to USE IT ON SOMEONE ELSES CAR. wtf
asshole fix my car, dont use my shit just because its sitting at your house.
:-() livid.
i dont have work today, what a fucking relief this is. heh, tomorrow im most likely going to be doing shitty jobs around the office. nothing spectacular.
haymar and i are moving into the new place on friday at the latest. im trying to see if theres any way i can get my things in there thursday night. since i have to work a shitload on friday.
oh yea, friday is 8am - 5pm JBWest, then 5pm - 8pm(ish) Westminster Ave Prov.
bah, overtime. 30$/hr x 3 (maybe 4) hours = 90$ extra (maybe 120$)
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September 4th, 2004
01:13 am
holy shit i went a whole week without updating? I get my z number next week, and my SBS card. w00t
uh, i think i've got the job at the warwick PD. i just have to 'go' down there and talk to people.
i uh, want a subaru STI.. yep.. fuck the audi, fuck the firebird, fuck the bmw.. i want a subaru.
Hung out w/ erin, it was fun. Havent seen her in forever. Courtney is moving to providence tomorrow.. heh sucks to be her.
I dont have anything to do until tuesday, which is work.
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August 30th, 2004
02:19 pm
so today is monday. let me just mention now again that i hate mondays. but its not that bad, came in earlier with my coffee around 7:30, worked on a few machines, ghosted some images across the network and fixed a printer issue.
I have my office in the vault, and there are 2 really hot irish girls here for an internship. Niamh and Jessica.
anyways, im working on some laptops now, ill update more when i get back home today.
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August 27th, 2004
07:51 pm
well.
alot of shit to update. i got my place, duh.. i got approved.. im moving in on the 10th or sooner.
i got a roommate, not samantha.. this kid named james. he's wicked cool and hes got hardcore tats and piercings. goes to the same school as me.. about the same age as me. likes the same music as me, pretty cool kid
deanna told me about the job her dad had posted at the police dept. now i've just got to apply and shit.
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August 25th, 2004
05:35 pm
Lets go over the job offers i've had in the past week:
(1)_________ Medical Group: Network rollout technician (1 year): $15/hr
(2)VanguardMS: NOC Center Analyst (1 year): $18/hr
(3)The computer merchant: pc support specialist: (3 months): $18/hr
and the job i saw today on providence.craigslist.org:
1. DBA architect, 2k & SQL admin: (3 months): $55/hr (thats right, 55)
oh my shit, i need to find out about that job.
$55 x 40 x 12 = 26,400$
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August 24th, 2004
06:20 pm
Samantha is my new roommate. ;p
i didnt even ask, she basically told me that she was going to be my roomie.
i was like 'ok!'
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August 23rd, 2004
12:47 pm
at work and bored as hell. im having major network issues with SQL and DB Access.
2 clients have sent out tickets for me to look at, after that i dont know.
out of here in 4 hours.. w00t
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August 22nd, 2004
04:38 am
so where to start with the updates? its been a few days since i've written in here.
i got a townhouse! yay!! fairfax village on post road in warwick. 2 bedroom 2 bath
i got 2 calls from some employers in the past few days that saw my resume on monster.com, 1 was a level 1 support, and the other was a NOC center analyst.
tonight i went out with james, and samantha.. we went to taco bell to get dinner then drove out to west greenwich/coventry to thrash around in the blazer.
we saw some deer, and got a phone call from ernie and justin.. there was a fatal accident on bald hill road where a prelude smashed into a tree sideways and the driver was killed instantly.
we decided to go check it out and sure enough there was a sheet covering one side of the car.. then an hour and a half later the medical examiner and the firemen pulled the body out, covered it and put it in the meatwagon.
ernie, justin, alisha, and john stayed there to watch the car get towed away.. james, sam and i left again to go up to denny's for ice cream.
we left there at 4am, came back here to my house and im going to bed.
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August 18th, 2004
01:45 pm
just wanted to let everyone know that karaoke @ Sam's this Thursday has been planned to go on without any problems.
Also, I am going to be moving before Sept. 1st into my apartment on Post road, and would appreciate any help that is available. This means, if you've got a truck that you're willing to let borrow; or just an able body to help move..all the way to painting the walls in my new apartment..... Please do
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01:25 pm
oh my good god work is totally boring.
here is what im doing (davol building - garden city)
8am-11:45am Moved 16 PCs from the Jefferson Blvd West Building to the Jefferson Blvd East Building (across the street)
12-3 Set up Novell accounts on 20 machines and installed printer drivers on each.
3-5:30 going to be installing software down in the IS department.
Spencer just came by to talk to me about coming on to work for SBS instead of sub-contracting to them through ModisIT.com Basically what that means, is that SBS would BUY me from Modis and I would be given a sign on bonus.
All of this would go into effect after my sept. 10th contract with SBS is over.
As of right now im working 8-5:30pm every day except for sat-sun. w00t.
700ish bucks a week. thats 2800 a month ;p
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August 16th, 2004
09:47 pm
so after a long day, heres what i've got left to do:
My Apt fell through at Four Seasons South :( mainly because the office at my school sent a group of students to their and they rented my (read MY) apartment!! fuckers.
I have to read the providence journal classifieds again, really read them for every position. So i can get a good look and determine which one is the one for the warwick police dept. Its not like they say 'warwick pd', more like 'contact brad ###-###-####"
I have to go into court on wednesday about my parking ticket, to fight it. Im going to see if i can get my mom to go with me, since she knows more about the repairs than i do.
Karen and Melody are going to call a bunch of places for me tomorrow, and I'm still going to the housing office again to bug Elaine about a place.
I have to do laundry/buy food tomorrow, since I have work wednesday (how am i going to do this?!) I'm hoping that i can skip out of work wednesday to take care of the parking ticket and other things.
SBS asked me to go full out 8-5 every day until december, this week is making the switch hectic. arg. heh atleast after all this ill be making 700$/wk and then if i get the job at warwick PD (maybe weekends and nights) 20hrs a week thats an extra 300$
oh boy im going to be busy.
I think my roommates are moving out this week. thats fine for me because i hate them :)
anyways, dasha wants me to go down to cape and see her tomorrow.. i can only if i get everything done. Shes camping and will most likely be alone tomorrow until late pm. (when her parents come back)...
ill post more later. ;p
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03:12 pm
wow, tons of shit to do today.
i had to call my school and switch everything to night classes. go to the gym, call spencer back with SBS about the position they offered me until december.
now i have to call back the people with my parking ticket, then the people about the apartment/housing office at the school.
too much other shit to do.
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August 15th, 2004
01:56 pm
just woke up, waiting for micah, kelley, and sarah to call me so i can find out whats going on today.
i will most likely go to the gym in a few, then back here to finish some packing.
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02:51 am
had fun tonight again, went out with the two.. back down to naragansett.. then to oakland beach.. we sat in the car (well i laid in the backseat) james and sam put their seats down (almost on top of me) and they flirted for awhile.. i guess i fell asleep because i heard i was snoring. haha
after that, back here and i finished packing the stuff in my game room..
now all thats left is EVERYTHING.
im going to need some serious help moving out and moving in to my new place, as well as help setting things up.. *cough* friends *cough*
anyways, time for sleep.
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August 14th, 2004
09:06 pm
[b]WTF GET OUT OF MY HEAD MINDLESS[/b]
damn you Deanna for getting me to listen to them
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05:35 pm
I DONT GIVE A FUCK IF ANYONE READS THIS OR NOT, IF YOU'RE READING THIS AND YOU DONT LIKE ME. GET OVER IT, STOP CAUSING DRAMA.
People need to know how I feel about you, so they wont think im a 'sleezebag'
I think of you as a great friend, not only because we get along great when we're together, or being honest online/on the phone; but because you actually are a beautiful person inside.
I admire you for these reasons:
You are goal-oriented (you know what you want out of life)
You are not selfish
You have emotions
You have humility, and the ability to see honesty in me.
You stand by your friends, I would want mine to be there for me as well.
Your personality radiates happyness, you light up the room when you enter it; and make my day better in many ways.
Secondly, I dont mind that you're stuck on your friends. Thats fine with me and I've always told you they should come first.
Remember, happyness comes from within and radiates outward. Do whatever you need to, to make YOU happy. Others will see that, and respect you (unless they suck).
You make me happy, I dont know if i've said this already or not. But my life goes along easier when you're around. It hasnt with anyone else, thats why I am bothered this much about things that have happened.
I cannot begin to understand why people don't want to see you happy. Its hard for me to put myself in their shoes, because I cannot see their perspective on the situation.
In any event, I am hoping that you realize your friends will like you for you. Not who you hang out with.
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02:48 pm
last night was fun, went out to a movie w/ james and samantha at showcase in warwick. saw alien vs. predator.. that was a pretty cool movie, although it did have its funny and scary parts at the same time. the idea behind the movie was what vexed me the most, it did not seem believable. (aka it was a GIANT marketing ploy to lure the fans of each movie)
after that we went to dunkin donuts to chill, i drove back to my house and got a phone call from james. he asked me if i wanted to go out for a drive with him and sam. i said it was fine, so they came and picked me up in sam's intrepid.
we drove down towards naragansett, and i was falling asleep in the back. woke up because there was a guy drunk driving/tired in front of us and he was all over the road. we got down to some beach, james didnt want to get out so we continued driving around. i fell asleep again and woke up on allens ave, sam pulled down my street and it was 5am..
i thanked them both for keeping me away from my computer ;p and said goodnight. dont know whats going on today though:
i need to go see the lady at four seasons south.
i need to fax and mail out my info for Modis consulting.
i need to get my money order in to four seasons.
i need to start packing.
someone help me! you've been running through my mind alot, im wondering if YOU think you made the right descision.
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://www.deadjournal.com:8080/mood/harlequin/tuxedo_t._penguin/relaxed.gif) calm
Current Music: D I G I T A L L Y - I M P O R T E D
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