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| Thursday, October 10th, 2002 |
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| 18 urban spells || break the terror |
aggravated.| Wednesday, October 9th, 2002 |
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Okay, so I've been wetting myself lately. Not like "Holy shit! That girl just pissed herself!" kind of wetting, just a little leaking. Last time this happened, it was because my tumors were compressing my spinal cord. So I went to the doctor today. They did a urine sample. Turns out I have a bad urinary tract infection, it's not spinal compression! Yippie! I never thought I would say this... but thank God I have a UTI! Also at the doctor, I got put on tranquilizers for my insomnia. They gave me this drug that they give patients in a hospital right before they have surgery. It will surely knock me out. I've felt like shit all day. Today at physical therapy my mom said, "April has muscle spasms probably twice a week." I said, "Huh?!?!? I have them everyday, I just don't complain all the time." That irked me. Ya know, I'm tired of being sick all the time, and I'm sick of being tired all the time. Know what I mean? Sure ya do. |
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| 6 urban spells || break the terror |
exhausted.| Thursday, October 3rd, 2002 |
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I just made a kick ass 80's mix cd. 80's music always makes me happy. I don't know if it's the big hair, the tacky clothes, or the really upbeat tune of the songs... but I love it. I know I'm a dork but whatever. Pooh on you if you don't like 80's music. Here's the list of songs: 1. "Take On me" - a-ha 2. "Walk Like An Egyptian" - The Bangles 3. "Karma Chameleon" - Culture Club 4. "Walking On Sunshine" - Katrina and the Waves 5. "Heaven Is A Place On Earth" - Belinda Carlisle 6. "Centerfold" - J. Geils Band 7. "99 Luftballoons" - Nena 8. "Gloria" - Laura Branigan 9. "Everybody Wants To Rule The World" - Tears For Fears 10. "Morning Train" - Sheena Easton 11. "Sunglasses At Night" - Corey Hart 12. "Come On Eileen" - Dexy's Midnight Runners 13. "Whip It" - Devo 14. "I Ran (So Far Away)" - A Flock Of Seagulls 15. "Tainted Love" - Soft Cell 16. "I Melt With You" - Modern English 17. "Video Killed The Radio Star" - The Buggles 18. "Voices Carry" - 'Til Tuesday Wheeeeeeeeee. I'm happy now. I like "Video Killed The Radio Star" the best I think. *shrugs shoulders* |
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| 5 urban spells || break the terror |
moody.| Wednesday, October 2nd, 2002 |
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I've been acting so weird these past couple of days... Just not myself. Like day, I'll be really really excited and just like "Wheeeeeeeee!" and then the next day, I'll be calling up Jason saying that I'm going to slit my wrists. I don't understand it. My counselor always gives me a receipt after each session. On it, she puts an X next to these numbers, which stands for my diagnosis. I looked yesterday, because I realized I never really paid attention to it, just because I thought I was depressed. But I did some research and looked up what the numbers mean. She has one next to "Recurrent Major Depressive Disorder, Severe Without Psychotic Features." And then another one says, "Mixed Episode Disorder," which is like Bipolar Disorder. This concerns me quite a bit. I guess I have been manic before, because I had very high self esteem, decreased need for sleep, have been more talkative than usual, and flight of ideas. I get that a lot. I'll just be talking about my day and then I'll start talking about peguins or some shit, and I get really excited. I talked to my mom about it, and she said, "I think you should just leave it up to the professionals April," and she was mean about it. She's been bitchy lately, and I don't understand why. She's been acting like I'm a horrible child, and like she's the greatest mom on Earth that never gets any credit for it. I'll buy her a cross so she can nail herself to it. She read my diary for the first time like 2 days ago. She saw that I smoked pot. I really don't give a fuck. I'm going to do what I want to do. P.e.r.i.o.d. People can kiss my ass. I'm crazy, so back off. Except for those of you that don't piss me off. <3 |
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| 5 urban spells || break the terror |
annoyed.| Thursday, September 26th, 2002 |
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I just did the greatest layout!! I love it. It's HERE. You may now tell me how much I rock. I need to make a new one for myself... HOLY FUCKING SHIT!! I WON FIRST ROW TICKETS TO TORI! I am so fucking excited I'm fucking nauseas. My sister's boyfriend called up DC101 and they were giving them out. They kept on making fun of her though. When people called in, they said, "Name one song where she doesn't whine." I'm going to have to go down to the radio station and kill me some disc jockeys. Stupid dicks. Tomorrow, I have physical therapy, home schooling, then Jason is coming over for our anniversary. I think I might die. I get tired just from taking a shower ever since the surgery. |
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| 6 urban spells || break the terror |
happy.
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